It's always fun to talk to Undefeated. She gives me perspective, and she claims I give her perspective as well (you'd think we were a couple of giant mirrors. Okay, one average-sized and one small mirror. Don't tell her though. She's touchy about her lack of "tallness" :D)
Anyway, there's this one thing I told her on Sunday that's coming back to haunt me.
"In six months, you're going to have to face the rest of your life"
She graduates in April and she's not quite sure what to do next. But the reason it's coming back to haunt me is this. I can't believe I was still in school only three years ago. It almost feels like it happened in another lifetime. But more importantly, when I graduate in three years will I be ready to face the rest of my life? I mean, all my life I've been trapped in this cocoon. I haven't ever had to go out and fight for myself or live in the real world, so to speak. And when I chose to do an integrated Master's program, I bought myself more time in an idealized world, where everything works (for the most part) and life is cushy.
My capacity to fight on, to try and hold on to the past surprises me. Scares me, actually. The only reason I've stopped going to my old school to meet my teachers is that the school itself has changed so much. It's like some monstrosity that hires out its premises for "coaching classes" and does whatever it can to get corporate funding. The only people I'm really close to outside my family are people I've known from school. Granted, it's probably my fault for not getting to know the people here in college better, but I don't know how to proceed when this is what my roommate has to say about me (check out the comments as well). And yes, a substantial portion of the time I spend on the phone is with a girl I'm supposedly over. (I don't know for sure if I am, so don't ask)
I don't know. Maybe this post isn't so much about the rest of my life as it is about the things I'm afraid of in the present. Maybe exam season, and the weather are getting to me. Maybe I just need to blow off some steam. I'm gonna go get a double shot of espresso and play darts.
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11 months ago
14 comments:
Don't worry about it kiddo. The world isn't as scary as people make it out to be. You'll grow into it. Slowly, but surely. It's not something to fear.
And yeah, the friends bit does suck. Sometimes you meet people you want to spend time with easily and sometimes you gotta search for them kindred spirits. Don't worry about it.
And as for your room-mate, didn't you say he was preparing for GRE? It shows. All the words he used were right out of Barrons. :-P If he gives you trouble with.. er.. words.. let me know. I have contacts.. and word lists ;-)
You'll get through it. We all have the ability to conquer everything life throws at us. The problem is that we realize it only after we have conquered.
*Chitra
I dunno what kinda people you all are. You derive pleasure from mocking people, that too behind their backs. Are you hell-bent on bringing me down?? Well, I am sorry to tell you that I am not at all thwarted by stupid words you all are raining me with. No one out here is less qualified than you. As for your contacts, well, in your own courtyard, I know many people before whom your skills would at best seem dwarfed.
And there ain't anything like a word-list of Barron's etc. Words are just words. Its you people who make a big deal out of everything. It just goes to show that the list ( which you are so obsessed with!!) has an eclectic collection of words. And some happen to be used in my post. Your mighty blogger triggered that row...where he unnecessarily ( I don't recall having ever touched a Barron's!!.. seems the Idle fellow has all the time in the world to think rubbish..!!)lets the world know about something so made-up and cooked in his idle mind:p.
Bring on your people. Lemme see. I too have contacts:p
arrghhh... i did NOT need a reminder that i'd have to leave college and start a new chapter of life in about 6 months! :(
@ Everone: Loooooook!! A fight! A fight!!!
But first things first:
@ Pseudo: * assumes a older and wiser tone * really! It's not that big a deal!It's not like your life will change overnight or anything.You'll always still be in touch with everyone you want to be in touch with. Trust me - a (ahem.)older and wiser person - on this. :-)
@ Opinion: 3 deleted posts. Boyy!! You must be seething with rage! Funny you should say you weren't thwarted. And I have nothing against you personally, kid. But you say anything about my lil' bro, you got it coming.
@ Ess: You make up stuff in your head? Coolies! * kilpauk five * :-D
i love visiting this blog even more of late... it's got a quote by meeeee! :D
oh man, that must be some roommate. envy you for living with his "words" and "contacts". now am gonna bring in more people to read, and most probably compare "his" posts. maybe you can put it in an english textbook. and i just wanna tell him to grow up, for, ok, GOD's sake. (i meant to put in expletives, but was scared, i dunno whether he'll read it and bring on the synonyms!) :D lmao
@chitra: Thanks, everything you said helps. You do love getting all big-sisterly don't you?
And I guess the making-up-stuff thing was bound to happen :D Kilpauk five coming back atcha!
@bubbly: It's like what they say about experience being a hard teacher. Gives the test first, then teaches the lesson :(
@an opinion: I see you've handled the whole thing in a mature, gentlemanly way.
Bravo.
@pseudo: Yeah, I know. Growing up's a bitch. It's nice to know that there's somebody else in the same boat as me.
And you're welcome, btw :D
@sia: Envy? Really? You've got very weird tastes, girl!
*ess:: How long can I hold my guards against such outrageous hatred?? I had to give in...and I had no plans for pitching in my friends out here. Things could have got even worse.
I have pulled that post. Rejoice.
Try to respect an individual from hereon. No matter how lame someone is, you don't go around making a fun of him.
your comments to "sia" isn't going down my throat easily.Anyways!!
**sia
I won't have brought in the synonyms. Perhaps could have done some copy-pasting and would have sent it back. Try to know me. I am not that bad:p
*Chitra:: Your Bro is safe now:p.
:-) as they say - yezhaichu rendu yeala mozhaikala adukulla if you can start acting all concerned that a friend makes me treat, getting big-sisterly on you is but natural, my dear!
So you're all just one happy family now????
Damn. Just when I was about to bring out the popcorn.
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